I Hate You, But I Love You
by Steamy-x
Summary: After witnessing Tobi's death, Deidara comes to terms to how he really feels about his idiotic partner. [UNEDITED]


At no other time had Deidara questioned his sexuality.

About a month ago, Sasori and he ended their partnership due to their lack of cooperation. Some time after that, Tobi became his new partner, immediately giving the blond a load of dissatisfaction. Belittling his art, screwing with his utilities, and even once confusing his body for a female's.

Even with those constant nags, Deidara found himself obsessing over the most mysterious thing - Tobi's actual face. It was but a brief moment, but he saw past scars and a nonexistent smile. As much as the masked ninja played around and annoyed any living and breathing being around him, Deidara actually flinched when he saw - not only a frown - but despair and depression. A mesh of understanding formed, but then the masked was replaced, and Tobi became Tobi again.

Deidara groaned and detonated a piece of art. The runt wouldn't runt his way out his thoughts, and it made it more and more difficult to complete mundane tasks. The bomber took greater notes as his hands struggled to button his cloak over his body. He sighed and left the red and black coat to dangle on his shoulders as he entered the dining hall.

He looked to the left. He looked to the right.

"Where's Tobi, hm?"

His former partner flipped a page in his book. "He left."

"Where to?" Deidara crossed his arms.

Sasori smirked. "Curious, are we?"

"He's my partner, so I think I have the right to know where he is."

"At all times?"

Deidara stomped his foot and grunted. "Yes! Wait, no! Not all the time. Only when I need to talk to him."

Sasori slammed the book shut, making the blond flinch as he stood and turned to leave. "I don't care for you anymore, Deidara."

The bomber balled his fists and hissed, glancing to the side. His peripheral vision caught sight of Sasori's movements to leave the room in a short pace. It didn't take much of a genius to know he need consolation regarding whatever worried him, but Deidara tried not to think too much of it. For all he knew, it could've been a trap to have him crying and begging Sasori to take him back as a partner.

If he wanted something done, he had to do it himself, so he left the hideout and summoned his dragon. Wherever Tobi left to couldn't have been far. Not in his current state of mind, at least. His brain was the size of a peanut, barely able to process the simplest of instructions.

Deidara pulled back his bang and focused his camera, scanning the surrounding area. Even with the enhanced zoom and concentration, the idiot's chakra was nowhere to be seen, neither was his body or any traces of him being nearby. If push came to shove, he'd have to get help to find his partner, which he had no intention of doing any time soon. So, instead, he flew higher and searched farther.

Somewhere. He had to be somewhere.

The blond glanced to his right and sighed. He commanded the C2 dragon downwards and hovered above the masked ninja as he dashed through the trees. Either he chose to ignore Deidara's flying craft, or he didn't care.

"Tobi!" he called out into the jet wind. His hand kept the flying strands of blond out of his face as he shouted. "Tobi! Turn around!"

Instead of running along, the dimwit actually stopped, causing his dragon to soar out of range. Deidara furrowed his brows and smacked his teeth. Steering the winged work of art in a U-turn, the bomber leaped off and landed on a tree branch. His partner's chakra was close, but he couldn't make out the exact direction.

And then a sharp metal pierced his shoulder.

He couldn't sense it flying towards him, but when it hit, it hit hard enough for him to cry out. The bomber groaned and went to the pull the kunai out. But a certain encryption painted on paper made him stop.

 _A paper bomb._

Deidara wasn't fast enough to grab the blade and throw it. The blast caught his right forearm, burning the fabric to shreds. He held his arm and panted. Shrubs rustled behind him, and as he turned, a hand was ready to catch his mouth as he whirled back around. The blond's eyebrows trembled. He dug his hands in his bag for clay, but as the sun's shine spread over, he saw his captor.

His hands were numb at his side.

He pulled his face away. "T-tobi." His fear shifted, his arched eyebrows, instead, pointing diagonally. "What the hell?" he screamed. "You nearly blew off my shoulder, you retarded piece of shit—!"

"Shut up."

Deidara almost flinched but shook his head and continued spitting threats. "How's about I blow _your_ ass to bits and see how you like it?"

"Be quiet," Tobi whispered, glancing left and right.

"Heh," Deidara said, lips quivering. "You could've fucking killed me! What the hell did you think was gonna happen when you threw a bomb in my shoulder?" He panted.

Tobi shook his head. "You're assuming I attacked you."

"I know you did!" Deidara turned around and went to summon his dragon. "Can't I believe I came all the way out here to find your ass."

"No!"

Deidara gasped as a circle of paper bombs landed around them. His dragon wouldn't come quick enough. He swore under his breath and started to run away.

"Deidara, come here!"

His arms engulfed the blond, knocking him on the ground as he huddled around him. Deidara peeked from beneath the tight hold and saw the tags lighting up. He gazed at his partner through the eyehole and saw him staring back with a knit brow.

Deidara opened his mouth to say something, but the explosion cut off his words. Ringing clouded his ears, and his eyes shook from the spine splitting vibration, followed by screams. Screams of agony. Screams of desperation.

Tobi protected him, for whatever reason.

The smoke died down, and Deidara coughed as he pushed his partner on his back and noted to reduced pulse on his neck. He cursed again, intertwined his fingers, and pressed on Tobi's chest. Nothing happened, and his breath quickened. Not now, and not today. He wouldn't let his partner leave again.

Wheezing, Deidara pushed down on the unresponsive ninja. Silence filled the air, and as much as he begged for it, he didn't want it anymore. It happened too fast, all too fast.

He kept going. The pulse was there, but with every push, it became slower and slower, until it eventually stopped. Deidara trembled. His eyes burned, but he didn't stop. No matter what happened, he wouldn't stop.

"Come on, Tobi!" he said, voice distorted from panting and nearly crying. "Get up! Come on, Tobi. Get up! You have to get up!"

Deidara gulped. He bit his lip as he grabbed ahold of the orange mask he resented and wished the man behind it stopped breathing. His wish turned into something he knew was a harsh reality. The bomber pulled the masked to the side and gazed at his slightly parted lips. Beside it rested past scars. He threw his curiosity away and lowered his mouth. Lower. Lower. Low enough to have the both of their mouths gliding over the other's.

He moved in and exhaled over the cooling lips. His pulse was still dead. Nothing happened.

"Why the hell didn't it work?" he screamed. Deidara panted and tried again, and again, and again. "What the hell? Tobi, wake up!"

Though he didn't want to think of it as so, he kissed Tobi again, and the tears didn't hold themselves back. It wasn't like his salty sadness could bring back his partner. Nothing matter anymore. Because nothing happened.

"Shit!" The bomber resulted back to pumping his chest three times and administering another deep breath down his throat. "I'm doing it right! Why the hell won't it work?" he shouted.

His breaths became more and more hectic. Deidara stopped pushing against his chest. He stopped doing everything as he laid his head over the fallen Akatsuki. And he was to blame.

No one liked Tobi, that much was true. Even so, he remained the bouncy, ecstatic lunatic he always was. But not anymore. There'd be no more excitement. No more entertainment.

Deidara lifted his head and lowered his lips onto Tobi's once more. He didn't attempt bringing him back as he laid a true kiss onto the static mouth. His hands held the masked ninja's jaws, deepening the kiss and best he could. No one had the right to kill Tobi besides him. No matter what the issue, it was always him. That was their relationship, and he'd do anything to have that back.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Please. . . don't go. You can't leave me like this. I'll hate you. I'll hate you if you don't wake up. I'll hate everything. I'll hate myself if you don't open your eyes right-fucking-now."

And then the tides turned. Tobi put a hand on Deidara's back as he pulled him in close for another kiss.

Deidara couldn't contain himself, body shaking and eyes trembling. As Tobi kissed him, he tried to stop the rush of tears falling down his face even faster. He couldn't pinpoint his exact emotion: anxiety, gratitude, surprise, sadness. Whatever it was, he didn't want it to leave too fast as their lips moved in sync.

"T-tobi," he whispered when they parted.

The millions of things on his mind, he couldn't choose just one to say, so he said as much as he could in a span of one breath.

"I thought you were dead. What the hell happened? Did you hear what I did? Were you alive when I kissed you? You can't tell anyone what happened. Seriously, how aren't you dead?"

Tobi smirked as he threw his mask to the side. "It was a setup."

Deidara ignored to chills to his back at his real voice. An involuntary gasp broke through as his lips glided over his bare neck. "Setup?"

"I knew you'd come looking, so I set the traps. I didn't think you'd try and revive me when I wasn't even dead."

"All of this. . . just for me to kiss you?"

Tobi coughed and laid on his back. "It worked, didn't it?"

The bomber shook his head and frowned. "But I still don't get it. The-the explosions. Were they real?"

"Yeah," he said. His chest heaved forward as he spat up from coughing. "But I'll be fine. It was worth it."

Deidara glanced at both of his eyes, wanting to smile, wanting to cry, and wanting to hit him in the face. "I don't know how I feel."

"Stop trying to figure it out," Tobi said. "and kiss me." He smirked. " _Senpai._ "

Deidara sighed. "You know I won't hesitate to kill you when we go home, right?"

Tobi smiled. "It was worth it."

"You're an idiot," Deidara whispered, still confused as his brows pulled themselves together.

"An idiot that you kissed. Could you do that again?"

The bomber pushed his lips down and held his partner's perfect jaw, drawing his thumb over his scars. He parted. "I hate you."

"I know. But could you kill me later?"

Deidara smirked. "Of course," he said, bending down to give his partner another kiss before he recorded his time of death.


End file.
